never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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