I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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