this beer tastes like vomit already
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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