they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Randomize
