Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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