I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
