i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
