Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize