He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
