we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
