a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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