So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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