i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
