I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
