Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
