My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
