I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
