so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
