i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
