She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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