You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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