i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
