So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
where are my eyebrows?
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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