My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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