i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
