There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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