Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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