Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Randomize