This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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