Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Liz is crying about burritos again.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
