He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
