I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Randomize
