Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
