I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
No I am not eating basil off your cock
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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