Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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