She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
