dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
