five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
