Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
