living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
He? As in you personified your dick?
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
