Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize