Grow some girl-balls and come out already
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
