Dual....:-)
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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