she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
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