hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
