I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
