So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
