This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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