There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
