he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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