if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
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