You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
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