JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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