dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
