East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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