I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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