so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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