a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Randomize
