your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
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