Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
