I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Michael Bay diarrhea
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize