Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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