You're a womanizer and a bitch.
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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