I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
