Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
i drank out of a bidet.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Randomize
