He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Randomize
