He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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