Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
