i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Randomize
